hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
