I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
