Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
