We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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