i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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