i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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