Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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