And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
