i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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