i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
