we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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