Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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