I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
