you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
