The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
