I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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