A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
