i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
