just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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