Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
