So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
