nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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