What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
