Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
