I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
