My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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