the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
