"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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