what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
