ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I need moral support for this bender
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
