you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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