"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
