It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
