She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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