his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
