he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My vagina just clenched in fear
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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