dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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