I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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