if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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