i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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