Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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