I want to have your abortion
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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