There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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