Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
