I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
