I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize