her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
