whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
