Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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