Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
