There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
