I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
