he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize