i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
