I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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