Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
