wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
