Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
