I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
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There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
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WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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