i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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