Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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