Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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