Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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