sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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