I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times