I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
