he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
