my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
there was a trapeze. enough said
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.