Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
