Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
