Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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