So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
