I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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